my mom isn’t the closest person of mine. but i would say confidently to everyone that she’s the most precious human on earth for me. it’s quite complex, yet it’s that simple. that’s why for one and another reasons, i decided to keep some rules for myself regarding my relationship with my mom. for example, to never cry in front of her.

it may sounds sad, but i actually never cry in front of her at least for the past five years, or... maybe ten years? i ain't a super child, i actually want to cry and whine the most when i were with her just like any other daughter out there. and eventho i know that by shedding tears could also mean showing deep affection towards her, but i always prefer to smile and hide any negativity in front of her.

it was hard, and it will always be hard. but the thought about her getting worried over me is much more terrifying. because i believe that by crying in front of her, it will only makes her seeing the weak side of me and give her difficulties. therefore i really hate that idea. she’s a really independent person, which somehow affected me on how i want to be seen in her eyes.

if by suppressing my feelings would make her less worried over me, then i’ll keep doing it even in the most difficult situation. this is my way on showing my deep affection towards her, to keep her happy and healthy.

how could i stay like this? how could i hide things from her? well, because she’s my mother. i won’t be this careful and worried if she’s not my one and only mother. i just love her too much.

Labels: love